


Whispers in the Dark

by MaxRev



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pain, Post-Destroy Ending, Shepard in a coma - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-10-30 04:09:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17821619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxRev/pseuds/MaxRev
Summary: After a post-destroy ending Shep is in a coma. He can still hear Kaidan by his bedside every day talking to him, though at first he doesn't know it's him.





	Whispers in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> I saw [this post](https://shotce.tumblr.com/post/164969187532/siriusordo-dream-by-anasteysha56084-for-somel) on tumblr. With Anasteysha56084's art and Shotce's words, a one-shot was born.

_“The paths are open but you have to choose.”_

I stood there, poised on the edge, about to make the biggest decision of my life. A decision which would decide the fate of humanity. Every choice I’d made before now paled in comparison. What right did I have to make such a monumental decision on my own? It shouldn’t matter who everyone else thought I was - Commander Shepard, Hero of the Citadel, Savior of the Galaxy. I was merely human, just a soldier in war. At this point, every bone in my body hurt, every muscle was tired and cramped, my skin felt oversensitized. Pain clouded my mind, everything hazy. I just wanted to lie down...and never get up again.

Damn! How I wished Kaidan were here right now, the only light in my dark world. A man of integrity, wisdom, loyalty - he would know exactly what to do. But he wasn’t here. The choice was on my shoulders alone, on my conscience for the rest of my life, if I made it out of here.

 _Destroy!_ The word echoed deafeningly through my mind. My conscience made the choice and yet, my heart ached for what it would mean for many. Images of EDI and the geth cycled through my head as well as the pain I’d be forcing on others...Joker. It couldn’t be helped. I’d sacrificed a few many times over for the sake of thousands - thousands for the sake of the galaxy. This was no different. Who knew? Maybe somehow we’d find a way to change it all when the war was truly over, find a way to right some of the wrongs that came with the finality of my decision.

No matter what, we would _not_ be ruled, nor would we be assimilated. I didn't come this far for either of those choices. 

With my final decision came a bit of clarity. I suddenly remembered the weapon in my hand, its weight and the injuries pulling my arm down. Pain rushed through like roaring flames as I raised the weapon and aimed, over and over and over again, stumbling forward as I fired. I was relentless in my pursuit to destroy those who’d thought to destroy us first.

Images of my crew who’d lost their lives throughout the lengthy, tumultuous battle appeared around me: Anderson, Jenkins, Ashley, Thane, and so many others. Their images were followed by the ones who would lose their lives with my decision: EDI, the geth.

Then came those who were fighting for their very lives, fighting to save Earth and other alien worlds. I offered up a prayer to anyone listening they were all safe on the Normandy and heading far away as I put my plan in motion. My crew -- no, my _family_ : Joker, Liara, Jack, James, Garrus, Tali...Kaidan. God, how I loved him. A felt a tear slip down my cheek, the saltiness of it burning as it tracked through my many wounds.

It was for all of them I found a renewed strength of purpose to do what I must so they could survive, free to live their lives on their own terms. Striding forward with a single-minded strength, I pushed past the pain, physical and emotional, and continued to fire my weapon. There was an explosion _._

_Everything went dark._

~~*****~~

_Breathe. Again. Don’t stop. You have to. It’s important._

Without thought, the order was carried out. The order given by a strong yet warm voice whispering against his ear. A blue light glowed softly around him, keeping the darkness at bay. It was soothing.

_You’re a brilliant soldier. I’m ordering you to breathe, damn it._

Soldier? The word conjured violent images of screaming, weapons firing, pain and anguish…

_Focus! Breathe!_

Right. Breathe. Air in, air out. What was the point?

_I need you to live. I need you to fight._

The whisper was persistent but gentle. Live? Fight? What for?

_I can’t go on without you. I...I can’t do this alone. For now, sleep. Just...don’t forget to breathe. Don’t forget about me...about us._

The echo of the whisper faded and then the blue light faded, darkness edging closer but he wasn’t afraid. The darkness was his home now, a safe harbor.

~~*****~~

All around him the air was warmed by a mild, gentle breeze.

He stood before a field of tall golden prairie grass, the tips brushing his bare skin softly like the trace of a lover’s touch. The long blades of grass swayed to and fro and bright green leaves on soaring trees whispered softly, puffs of air chasing through them. The sun was bright, a golden ball of yellow floating high against an azure sky, cloudless and clear. Wading through the grass reaching just above his knees, callused fingertips skimmed across their downy tips. Eyes sharp, honed by a hard life built on survival, they took in every detail of his surroundings.

They zeroed in on a speck of color in the distance, one of such a brilliant blue it was almost painful in its intensity, stark against the sea of green. Urgency took hold of him, a driving need to reach the spot of color.

Determined strides brought him closer, the spot taking shape, becoming a man. The man turned and his breath caught in his throat. _Breathe_ \-- the whispered word echoed around him in the air and his lungs began to work again. _His_ voice. He’d heard it before.

A chuckle sounded in his ear, a sound he felt travel through him, warming him from the inside out. “I thought you’d never get here. What took you so long? Did you get lost? I’ve been waiting forever.” A smile appeared on the handsome face, beautiful lips turning up at the corners in a smile making the scars on them dance. Rich brown eyes twinkled with laughter, crinkling at the corners.

The man stuck out his hand, “Come on. I want to show you something.”

He reached out in response, grasping the proffered hand like a lifeline. Callused and warm, it held on with gentleness and strength. “It’s okay. I’ll won’t let you go. I promise.” The laughter was replaced with another emotion. Was it...love?

 ~~*****~~

He was pulled along as the man with whiskey colored eyes turned to walk towards a hill in the distance. Once they began to climb the hill, he felt himself become lighter, like a feather floating lazily on an air current. And then suddenly, they were soaring. Looking down, he watched as the trees and the field of grass grew smaller and smaller. It was dizzying...exhilarating. Higher and higher they climbed, past the heavens to a blanket of infinite black, diamonds sparkling and twinkling all around them.

He realized with a start they were in space: vast and timeless. Memories came to him, disjointed, puzzle pieces scattered about him needing to be placed together. One memory was constant. The color of blue was always nearby; calming, comforting… _home_.

Looking around, he realized the man was gone. The color blue had disappeared as well. He was all alone. His eyes darted around in panic, searching frantically.

The emptiness was all-encompassing. He was falling, spinning, lost...as he tried desperately to save himself.

There was a sensation of warmth. Not just encompassing all around him. A feeling of safety.

_It’s okay. I’m here for you. Always. Waiting for you to come back to me. You’re not alone anymore. You’ll never be alone again. I’ve got you._

The whispers echoed in his mind. So close.

Darkness claimed him once again.

~~*****~~

His eyes opened. At least, he thought they had and yet, he still couldn’t see. _Why_?

_I wish you could see how the world is changing around us, for the better. I...I suppose I’m selfish but...I wish you could see me and I wish I could see those beautiful blue eyes of yours again._

The world is changing? Changing from what? There was no answer to a question only he could hear. Against the darkness, the blue light glowed once again, warm and inviting. He wasn’t sure how, but he knew he no longer needed to fight anymore.

Wait...fight? A jarring horde of images and a cacophony crashed through his mind -- a loud barrage of weapons firing endlessly, screaming, shouting, a deafening discordant noise, blazing laser beams of red, and eyes the color of fresh earth filled with immense pain…

Suddenly, he was bathed in a glow of blue, feeling the sensations of heaviness, of warmth, of comfort wrap around him from head to toe.

_Let it go-let it go-let it go. It’s okay. It’s over now. Forget the pain. Remember the laughter, the friends, the love…remember me._

The images receded, the painful sounds faded away. Darkness came once again, taking away the pain and the fear.

~~*****~~

_Do you feel it?_

Feel?

_My hand in yours. I just...wish you could feel something. Somehow know that I am here...waiting for you. I love you, John._

Heaviness, warmth, peace. Darkness. Safety.

~~*****~~

_“I’m here, John. Fight for me. I...I know...you’ve already fought so hard and for so long. But please...just one more fight. Make it back for me...for us.”_

A whisper, warm against his ear. Soothing him, calming him, like the blue light. The voice was the blue light! Warmest blue; pulsating, calming, enveloping him, taking away all the pain.

Was that where the whispers came from? The blue?

Again, he felt pain; red, hot, sharp, distress. Why was there pain? The darkness was too far away for him to reach, a barrier against the red. Where was the blue? Where was _his_ voice?

He called out for it. **Come back**! No answer. Breathe --- in, then out. Repetitive motion, second nature now, a learned response. The voice echoed in his mind as if it had never left. But he knew, it wasn’t here now.

Something heavy, warm. The blue light was back. Calming, comforting. He wasn’t alone anymore.

_Can you hear me, John? I’m here. I’ve got your six. Always. Come back to me. Keep fighting._

Focus on soft words, quiet words, a velvet whisper, rich and smooth. He felt cold, the warmth gone.

 **No! Come back**! Loud sounds echoing painfully around him. **STOP**! Struggle. Fight.

_Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m here, John. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never leave you. We’ll be together always. Remember, I’ve got you._

Whispered words; pleasant, comforting, assuring. The loud sounds faded away. Breathe -- in, then out. Warm, soothing glow of blue.

~~*****~~

He felt something. A featherlight touch against his face, sliding along his jaw. A pressure against his lips. The light surrounded him with heat and love. He relaxed, let everything go. He was home; he was safe.

_I love you, John. I’m here. Always here. Waiting for you. Come back to me. I need you. I...love...you._

The whispered words curled deep inside him, wrapped around his heart...they brought him comfort.

~~*****~~

“....suppose we could stay at the orchard for awhile. You know, just until we figure out what we want to do, where we want to live. Mom’s…” the velvety voice, more than just a whisper, cracked, revealing great pain. “Mom’s alone now. It might be nice to spend some time with her.”

The voice stopped. Time stretched on. A sensation of warmth in his hand, comforting. He was not alone.

“I know you’re in there, somewhere. I just...well, sometimes I wish you’d just let me know you heard me.” A chuckle. “Kinda silly, I know. You’ve been in a coma for months now. But I know you’ll come back. You’re a fighter. Remember that, John, and fight for us...for me. I...I need you.”

He knew the voice. Knew the sensations. Hand heavy and warm. There was more. Lips on his…

“K…” a parched whisper.

The voice didn’t respond. He couldn’t open his eyes, too bright. Pain surged inside his head. He squeezed the hand holding his.

“Kaid…” his mouth was so dry. When was the last time he’d spoken? Kaidan had said months.

The same whisper, “ _John_.”

He heard sounds, wasn’t sure what they meant, stayed silent. With a sudden clarity, he understood. Tears.

“John! I love you. I love you.”

Warm lips on his, salty with tears. John wanted to reach up and wipe them away but he didn’t have the strength. He was so very tired, just wanted to sleep. But Kaidan needed him now.

Those beautiful lips moved, whispering again, “Sleep, John. Get some rest. I know you’re back and I’ll be right here every step of the way.”

~~*****~~

It was dark when he opened his eyes. Had it all been a dream? His eyes adjusting to the muted light in the room, John gazed down at the dark head resting on his thigh, hand wrapped firmly in his own.

Somehow they’d made it to the other side. A smile appeared amidst tears spilling down his face. He must have made a sound. The dark head came up off his thigh, rich brown eyes searching his own. So beautiful, so full of emotion strong and shining in them.

A question flashed through those eyes briefly, before being replaced with a look of relief. “John.”

 _His_ smile...such radiance. It lit up the room, lit up his world. John wanted say something but he simply couldn’t find the words.

Whispered words, “I knew you’d come back to me. I knew you’d fight. Welcome home.”

 _Home_.

Reaching up, he watched as his hand, scarred and thin, stretched out, fighting against the weakness, trembling fingertips wiping the tears away. Kaidan...his love. The other half of his soul. Always here, never leaving.

Again, he tried to speak, throat dry, voice rusty from disuse. He tried to say all the words with just his eyes, brow furrowing as Kaidan jumped up and rushed to a nearby table. He came back holding a cup with a straw. John swallowed reflexively, almost as if the water was already trickling down his throat.

A strong, muscular arm wrapped around him, helping him sit up. He was so tired, so weak! How long had he been like this?

“Easy, John. Don’t drink too much. You’ll make yourself sick. They’d be all too happy to throw me out. Been trying to for months.” Kaidan chuckled at those words.

The gentle voice. _Kaidan_. He’d been here the whole time.

John pushed the cup away. “Kai--” he coughed, voice still rusty despite the water. “Kaidan. Been here...whole time?”

His mind was still somewhat on an extended vacation and John found he couldn’t form a complete thought. His voice was scratchy and he couldn’t get all his words out. _The_ Commander Shepard, reduced to a muttering, fragile shadow of his former self.

He watched those thick black eyebrows go up in surprise. “I...I couldn’t leave you all alone, John. My place will always be with you. Always. After all this time…”

A smile, the sensation strange to him now, stretched his lips. John remembered the moment so clearly when he’d last heard those words. Kaidan smiled back at him, one hand squeezing John’s, the other cupping his face tenderly. John couldn’t wait. He never wanted to wait again. With a strength he didn’t know he had, John pulled him close. Dry, chapped lips met soft, warm ones. It was awkward, noses bumping and teeth getting in the way. But to John, it was the sweetest kiss he’d ever had.

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this a long time ago, then deleted (long story) but I really like it, so...I'm posting it again. Plus, who knows what Tumblr might do at any given moment, so I want to be able to find it without a read-more.


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